


Hisoka x Needs x Friendship

by IttyxBittyxImp



Series: Friendship [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Grocery Shopping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, fluffy again, hisoka abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-08 18:12:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8855791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IttyxBittyxImp/pseuds/IttyxBittyxImp
Summary: Sequel to Hisoka x Learns x Friendship Hisoka is having fun being able to walk the line of adult and kid but winds up stuck, guess he never heard making a face for too long will get it stuck like that.





	1. Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> A warning now that this will get dark at parts, but I will try to help balance it out with enough fluff to stuff a mattress. Also I will put warnings on chapters that deal with Hisoka's past you'll be able to skip them.

A few months passed since Hisoka had been upset with Illumi, and while Hisoka would eat breakfast with him Illumi could tell the magician still had resentment for him. Illumi was sure as long as he didn't bring up what happened eventually Hisoka would talk to him about it, he just had to be patient. More and more often Hisoka would find an excuse to use his new ability to change back into his ten year old self, even when he slept he would turn young so that the bed felt bigger around him, or would ask Illumi to hold him while he slept. The nightmares never ended, but at least Hisoka let him hold him again. 

"Illumi... Illumi." A tiny hand was cautiously shaking his shoulder, "Please wake up..."

"Hm...?" Illumi opened one sleepy eye, was it another nightmare? "What's wrong?" He lifted himself on one elbow to sit up slightly.

Hisoka bit one of his little knuckles, "I'm stuck..." Illumi woke up more, seeing how worried Hisoka was. 

What did he mean stuck? "What?" 

"I can't change back." Oh. Illumi laid his head back on his pillow. Wait. Not again!

It must have been his half asleep state that Illumi didn't go into another shocked episode, "I told you it wasn't healthy, can you still use your nen?" Came the calm question.

Hisoka shook his head worry written over his face rather than his usual arrogant grin, "What am I going to do? This was fun knowing I can control it, but now I can't fight! I can't go to my next arena fight, what if they think I died, what if they think I'm my own kid-" an arm wrapping itself around him stopped his rambling before being pulled onto the bed next to Illumi.

"We'll figure it out in the morning, no one we know is awake right now." It was so unlike Hisoka to lose his cool, and it seemed the old saying of pulling a face too long it would stick like that would be inappropriate to say at the moment. So instead he pet Hisoka's hair until the other quieted down against him.

Clinging wouldn't be something Hisoka would admit to, but he couldn't help holding onto Illumi as a means to calm himself down ironic since Illumi was the most terrifying thing within a hundred mile radius, "What if it can't be fixed and I'm stuck like this forever?" 

"We'll find a way to fix you." Hisoka rested his head against Illumi's chest hearing that same and calm heartbeat, "Just rest for now." The blanket was brought up to Hisoka's shoulders while Illumi held onto the tiny magician. 

Hisoka almost wanted to ask if Illumi would leave him, after all he just made himself useless to the assassin, it wouldn't surprise him that Illumi would lose interest in him if they don't have a way to turn him back... "But what if-" 

"Hisoka, please." 

"Sorry..." The rest of the night was spent with Hisoka fidgeting, saying it felt much colder than it actually was and Illumi plugged in the small electric heater in their room before Hisoka snuggled up close him again. It was nice having Hisoka hold him again.

\-----

In the morning Hisoka was on the phone calling Bisky to ask if he can meet her about the nen being sealed, maybe that old woman's nen had been placed on him again without him knowing since her clairvoyance was a force in itself. He just hoped this was something that could be fixed quickly. 

Illumi popped his head into the living room when he was done with his call, "Hisoka, breakfast is ready."

Looking up he couldn't help but appreciate Illumi wearing the apron he got him that had killer chef in bold letters, "My, Illumi, you seem to enjoy cooking for me when I'm helpless. I wonder why that is." Of course his now young voice only held half of his actual mirth. 

"Because you can't reach the stove." He said bluntly, making Hisoka stick his tongue out at him, "What did Biscuit say?" 

"She said she would look me over, said it in a kind of voice that made me think she was drooling... Anyway," Illumi still wasn't over what Bisky asked for last time, "she said she'll take money this time, and if it doesn't work we can see the psychic." Suddenly he got a text on his phone that he read out loud, "It says; 'won't work'." Hisoka's eyes darted around the room a little afraid of the nen user he challenged, sitting up straighter, "So, um," another text, "'No I don't know anyone who can help' well at least talk to me in per- 'come during business hours, I'll tell you what I can bring dollar sign, dollar sign'." 

"We can visit her after breakfast, maybe she'll at least shine a light with her future vision." Illumi took off his apron as they walked into the kitchen, seeing Hisoka struggle to get into his chair, "Do you need help?" 

"I got it, it's not like I can't sit in a chair." When he managed to get on the chair he had to sit on his knees to be tall enough to see his plate, "I think you would be the only person who doesn't make a smile with the bacon and eggs." Looking down at the egg eyes and straight bacon mouth before tilting the bacon into a smile, "There, perfect." He grabbed his fork and poked the yolks to make them bleed over the white of his eggs.

"Hisoka, do you have any idea why you might be stuck like this?" It was odd considering Hisoka always lied who knew if he was lying to justify being a kid permanently. He pulled out three different pins he would put this to the test.

"I'm not sure... I don't even know what I did different to- Why are you looking at me like that?" He caught a glimpse of the needles in Illumi's hand, "Illumi, no." Faster than he could see the needles were launched at him two of them hitting the cupboard behind, even when he forced the chair back it wasn't fast enough to dodge the needle. Except it never came and he ended up hurting his back falling, "Why would you do that!?" His normal relaxed demeanor gone while he clutched at his chest, "I know I look young but I'm twenty eight you're gonna give me a heart attack..." 

Slow, very slow, "Just checking your reflexes, it seems that body isn't beneficial for fighting." It was a half lie, but at least now he knew Hisoka wasn't faking.

"You think?" Hisoka pulled his chair back to the table, "And you ruined my smiley face, what happened to my bacon?" He spotted it down on the ground before snatching it up.

"You're going not going to eat that are you?" Disgust in his voice.

"I used to eat worst." Bringing the bacon up to his mouth he was going to take a bite of it before Illumi snatched it out of his hand, "Hey..." 

"I'll make you more." Illumi didn't know just how strong Hisoka's immune was either, "Finish your eggs." Ignoring the pout Hisoka had, he wasn't met with an argument instead just the fork scraping harder onto the plate than necessary. 

\-----

"So what's the car seat for?" Hisoka was definitely not going to be degraded to riding in that thing.

"For you. Now get in." 

"Make me." His escape attempt was cut off when Illumi easily snatched him up and buckled him in, "This is so not fair..." He crossed his arms noticing Illumi's little smile, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" 

Illumi got into the driver's side and started the car to go to Bisky's hotel room, "Well, I did tell you that you shouldn't pretend to be a kid, so I figured you'd like to be treated like one." It was a small revenge for Hisoka constantly rubbing in his face of how Killua let him get so close. 

Letting out a whine, "Illumi... Is this really the best time right now? What if I'm stuck like this _because_ I feel like a kid? Hm?" He didn't get a reply, so he looked out the window at the passing people and buildings. However a chill went down his spine when he could have sworn he saw someone that should have been dead facing the car eerily staring at Hisoka as they drove by. Immediately Hisoka pressed his face to the window looking behind the car only to see the man gone.

"What's wrong what did you see?" They came up to a stop sign, he looked over to see Hisoka still trying to see if he could spot whatever caught his attention, "Hisoka?" 

There was no way... Jun wasn't a nen user was he? Impossible... They didn't drive that far so why couldn't he see him anymore? Did he just imagine it.

A hand touched his shoulder making him jump, "Hisoka, are you okay?" 

He turned around to sit back on the car seat, "Yeah, yeah... Just saw a sale on shoes." He tried to muster his grin apparently it was good enough for Illumi to pat his head and keep driving. Still a weight settled in his stomach and unease crept into his mind. Taking one more look back nothing was there. 

Just what did he do to himself?


	2. Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for drowning and near drowning but nobody dies 
> 
> Tfw you want to hurt a character

The hotel Bisky was now staying in was much more luxurious than the motel room she had, it made Hisoka think that she had hit a certain pay off, "She said she was on the seventh floor, a little pink glove should be on the door." Hisoka was seriously hoping she knew what a piece of clothing of the door knob meant because he himself giggled every time he read the text, "This place looks nicer than our apartment... Do you think it has a pool?" They even had a res carpet with gold threaded sides to give a picture of luxury in this place.

"We're not buying a room here, we're just meeting Bisky." Illumi kept a hand on Hisoka's to make sure he stayed close, as they walked through the busy lobby, looking down he saw he wasn't holding onto Hisoka but instead just a jacket sleeve. Not much could get under his skin, but damn if he didn't want to throw Hisoka into a pit for running off. 

A text sounded on Illumi's phone saying, _'Just gonna look around, meet me at Bisky's ~♥ o3o'_ Sometimes he could throttle the clown.

\--

This place was nice if he said so himself, nothing wrong with pick pocketing someone rich with a purse for their gold room key. It's not like he couldn't at least see around this fancy hotel, Bisky certainly had class. 

\--

Illumi just let out a sigh and went to the elevator having the bellhop take him to Bisky's floor, not bothering to strike up conversation he took in the state of the elevator noticing chips that were never repaired though he guessed people of smaller fortune would reside in this cheap building, he bet it wasn't even resistant to a military attack...

Exiting the elevator he looked for anything pink hanging on the door knobs. A petite little glove that would be home on a child's hand, this was the room. Giving a knock, Bisky opened the door with a smile, "Aw, I was hoping room service was here. Where's Hisoka?" She looked to the small jacket hanging on Illumi's arm.

"He'll meet us here, he wanted to take a look around." She nodded and let him in, "Are you sure you got rid of the nen that was placed on him?" 

Bisky crossed her arms, "That massage cures all, I made it after all." A noise in the kitchen grabbed Illumi's attention.

"I'm telling you, Gon, we can wait a little while longer for lunch it's not like we didn't have breakfast." Killua shook his head while Gon kept rummaging and left the kitchen stopping midstep once he saw Illumi. Shit did his brother see him!? Did he hear him!?

"It seems my brother is here as well, I was unaware you were still teaching him." Bisky raised an eyebrow who told him about that? "Do you mind if I sit down?" 

"Of course not," Yes she did, "How long until Hisoka finds his way up here? I have things to do today." At most she wanted those two out of her room as quickly as possible, after all she did have a special seat reserved for her in a men's modelling show.

"Not sure, though I'll give him twenty minutes before I go looking for him, I'm sure your a busy woman and I want to get out of here soon as well." Mostly wanted this out of the way, if Bisky fixed this; great, if not; he wanted to get our of here to find another way. Though, it bugged him how Hisoka seemed to be dragging his feet.

\-----

Ooo, hot tub~ maybe a quick dip couldn't hurt... Though, before he could jump in an attendant said he had to buy swimming trunks and not just boxers. He was directed to another desk that had trunks for sale, and used the golden card to buy them though it was fun making up a story on how he was the son of the card holder themselves. A hot tub was such a rare luxury to enjoy when Illumi would focus on nothing but missions. Dipping in the tip of his toe and soon his whole foot he sat on the edge of the hot tub before slipping more into it his feet couldn't reach the bottom without his head being fully submerged, and he couldn't sit on the bench without the same problem. Best solution was to just let his body float in the water using his arms as an anchor on the edge, hahhh this was perfect such a nice change to the cold weather outside. Closing his eyes he let himself soak besides it wasn't like Bisky was going anywhere, why couldn't he indulge a little? 

Soon Hisoka lost track of time the constant bubbling of the water around him nearly lulling him to sleep, but he knew better to get out before he was tempted to fall asleep. Something took him by surprise when it wrapped itself around one of his ankles and forcefully dragged him under the water, it was so sudden that his first instinct was to kick whatever had his leg except nothing was there! He tried using his other foot as leverage on the floor of the hot tub to grab a breath of air he was desperately starting to need but couldn't break the surface for. Trying harder the second time he barely broke the surface taking in as much air as he could before what felt like a large hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down again, Hisoka started to panic when he was running out of breath and couldn't get the two invisible hands off of him. 

Hot water started filling his lungs when he couldn't hold his breath any longer, making him panic more using whatever he could to get air, to get the hands off of him, to warn someone to help him. Hisoka's sight was starting to go with the lack oxygen his struggle weakening losing consciousness... 

Illumi stepped into the hot tub quickly grabbing Hisoka's arm and pulling him up placing him on the edge of the tub listening to his chest hearing a quiet heartbeat, he closed his mouth over Hisoka's forcing air into his lungs then pulling back to pump his chest. No response. He repeated this four times until Hisoka finally coughed up the water that was in his lungs turning to his side to cough up more before taking in as much air as he could. When he was sure all the water was out of his lungs he cleared his throat looking up at Illumi weakly, "Hey, I said I was gonna meet you at Bisky's..." His voice sounded awful in his own ears, and tried rolling away from the water before Illumi picked him up wrapping him in a towel. 

Illumi started walking to Bisky's room hiding his worry with a stoic face, "Why were you drowning?" Can't a guy almost die without being questioned? Hisoka looked up to Illumi noticing the water on his face, who knew an assassin knew CPR? It was such a surreal thought. 

Hisoka pretended to be in thought, "Well, I guess I just started nodding off. Hot tubs are such a weakness of mine." He gave a fake smile up to Illumi who looked up seeming not to react either way.

"Why are there bruises on your shoulder and ankle?" What? Hisoka lifted his leg and saw a hand print marring his otherwise pale skin, it took everything not scream or show his panic when he recognized that it was too familiar to be some random nen ghost after him.

He shrugged forcing his face to stay carefree, "Trouble with management, they found out I stole a card." Why wasn't Illumi reacting? Did he believe him or think he was lying? "I just want to get away from here." Looking back at the tiled hallway leading to the hot tub and noticed a shadow standing in the corner, "Illumi, please walk faster." Thankfully Illumi did.

\-----

"So, why is my brother and Hisoka visiting you?" Killua piped up finally, all three of them were around the main room of the apartment, Gon had graciously asked before he took parts of the room service tray they brought in, Killua was on the couch playing a game on his phone and Bisky was fixing herself a cocktail from the personal bar.

She was shaking a canister to mix part of the drink before pouring it into it the base of her glass, "It seems his nen was sealed again." 

The sounds of a game over sounded from Killua's phone, "What do you mean again?" He turned to Bisky who just shrugged.

"I fixed him already, but it seems he attacked the nen user that sealed him in the first place again." The real question was how her students knew about him being sealed...

"When did you fix him?" Killua didn't want to sound urgent but this was pretty horrifying if they'd been spending time with a fully dangerous Hisoka...

Placing a finger on her chin she thought about it, just how long ago was it? "Like three months ago? It was still summer I think." Seeing the shocked faces of both her pupils made her wonder, "Why?"

Gon and Killua looked at each before Killua called out, "I told you so!" 

Their door opened and Illumi came in holding a shivering Hisoka, "What happened to him?" 

Illumi simply said, "It's cold." He was sure the last people Hisoka wanted to know of his near death experience were these people and his brother. He placed Hisoka down on the ground but Hisoka ended up falling in on himself, something was wrong with the ankle that was grabbed. 

"Why are there hand marks on him?" Hisoka covered himself getting up to rest all his weight on one leg.

"Illumi, had to rescue me from management." He gave a small laugh to make it light hearted, but right now he was internally panicking for multiple reasons. Jun was trying to get revenge from the grave, his nen was sealed, and there was now a risk of a pervert, and two boys he was sure with how they were looking at him that he had been lying to hang out with them would learn about his worst secret.

Oh the last 24 hours have been a real pain...


	3. Curious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with some past stuff, but nothing explicitly explained.
> 
> This fic is taking awhile to get into some fluff but it'll happen trust me.

Hisoka was sat down on the couch his trunks soaking through the expensive fabric, but Bisky didn't seem to mind, "Do I need to lay down again?" His shivering didn't stop and it wasn't exactly from the cold either. 

"Not right away, unless you attacked the same person again." 

"Well, I didn't, I just played with my body too much." He gave a small laugh when everyone's faces scrunched up in disgust. 

"Do you know what could have made these marks? These are from someone who used nen and no one this size or this talented in nen could make these that are on staff." She touched gently along one hand mark seeing an ominous aura emitting from them, "You shouldn't lie here, or I won't be able to fix you." 

"Can they go to another room? No offense boys." Killua kicked off the wall to head to the bedroom with Gon. Didn't know why the clown couldn't just say what he needed to not like anything could be that bad... Still he pressed his ear to the door just to make sure, call him nosey but dirt on Hisoka was better than nothing against him.

"Okay, so, how did you really get these marks?" 

Hisoka looked to Illumi before taking in a steady breath, "I was... I-I was..." He shifted again, "I've been seeing someone who should be dead, but they couldn't be a nen user. At least I don't think so..." Bisky stayed quiet to let him continue, "I didn't think he- it. It could... It grabbed my leg when I was in the hot tub and nearly drowned me." How awkward it was to tell the truth... It felt so unnatural to him.

"If you know who it is, do you have any idea why they would have this strong of a hatred towards you?" Hisoka wrapped himself up tighter tucking his legs into his chest. Of course he knew, he's the one that killed him after all.

"I know... But I don't want to say why." 

"How long have you been seeing this person?" He grit his teeth when she obviously knew that he said 'it'.

"I wouldn't call him a person..." Hisoka didn't like the look in her eyes at that, did she figure something out in her head? "I've been seeing it since I got stuck." 

Bisky thought for a moment before she got up, "Wait here." Going to the kitchen she filled up a cup of water and placed a leaf in it before heading back, "Try to see if your nen is still faintly with you." Hisoka sighed, as if this would help with anything, but from what he heard Bisky was much older and powerful -hnn- that she could be onto something. He placed his hands around the cup and took a breath before trying his hardest to force his nen into his hands, when he did all he could the cup didn't change in any noticeable way so she took a sip, "It's sour." Bisky placed a hand on her chin in thought, "Odd... It's still there obviously, but how could you get stuck without it when you already got back your nen?" Testing out Hisoka's reaction, "I understand the need to look different than what you really do, but it sounds like you're sealing your own nen. It's like you forced a reversion on yourself." 

"Why on Earth would I force a reversion on myself? How do I get it off?" When he realized he said something that could be dirty giggled to himself before shaking his head, "I like using my nen too much." 

Bisky just shrugged, "Nen is a mysterious thing even with all we know about it." She poked his forehead with a finger, "Could also be something subconscious in you. Is there any reason you might come to for being stuck in this body? Some kind of unfinished business for this age?" How about hus whole childhood, but he needed a quick answer. 

"I'm pretty sure not being hugged enough could be why." It was a lame excuse and it seemed Bisky wasn't buying it.

She placed her hand on his unmarked shoulder, "I won't judge you." Hisoka knew better than to trust another transmuter, "Either way, if you don't want to tell me there's not much I can do. You're going to have to figure this out on your own find out why you secretly want to be this age." 

Illumi stepped in between them, "Can I talk to him for a minute alone?" 

"Sure, I guess?" That was sudden, and she wasn't sure the relationship Illumi had with Hisoka but didn't question it instead she went into the room Gon and Killua were in, opening the door seeing Killua pulled back quickly holding his hands behind his back attempting to look innocent. 

When they were alone Illumi sat down by Hisoka his wet pants leaving a mark on the couch, "Hisok-"

"I know what you're going to try to do, you're going to try to get me to talk about it. Well it ain't gonna work." He didn't expect Illumi to place an arm around his shoulder, or being shifted to look up to Illumi.

"Hisoka, something is obviously a danger to you like this. Who have you been seeing?" He could already guess, and if Bisky couldn't help he needed to find a way that could.

"Jun..." Even saying his name was grating to his own ears... He wasn't going to show weakness. He wasn't going to lose his mask this time! 

Illumi paused thinking his next choice of words carefully, "You've been having nightmares about him since you were turned into a child the first time. Even when you stayed an adult I can hear them." He brushed a stray strand of hair behind Hisoka's ear, "Biscuit said unfinished business. What do you feel is unfinished?" 

Silence was thick between them with Hisoka's decision to let Illumi know more about him then anyone should, "If I tell you, you have to promise me- and swear on Killua's life that you won't tell anyone else as long as you live." 

Illumi nodded, "I swear." It was an easy enough request, he wasn't going to tell anyone anyway, an assassin knew how to keep secrets after all. 

Hisoka took in a deep breath, "I want... I wanted a past that he didn't exist in... Where he wouldn't-" Hisoka gulped hating that he couldn't speak without his voice breaking, but Illumi was calm and rubbed his back to reassure him, "I messed up, Illumi... He's been following me this whole time and I had no idea." In his mind it's like he never truly got rid of Jun. The shaking came back worse now, how pathetic was he? He had killed so many and yet here he was being comforted by another murderer. Irony was a word he hoped described this situation. Why was this bothering him so much?! Jun is dead! There isn't any real unfinished business he didn't even know why he would want something so impossible! 

Illumi pulled him close when his breathing became more erratic, "We'll get rid of Jun. Permanently." The assassin said it in a way that would make any normal person feel a chill go down their spine. To Hisoka it sounded like Illumi wouldn't let anyone touch what is his, that thought was both comforting and terrifying...

"You always know what to say to make me feel better." Though his own paranoia was trying to direct itself towards Illumi, but he stopped it in it's tracks he knew better, Illumi wasn't one to force himself onto others and he only killed when necessary, Hisoka remembered how violent he got when he asked to do Killua he knew Illumi would react to alert his brother but that face and his eyes... Even as an adult it made him think just what Illumi was hiding himself. A soft hand combed through his hair gently breaking his memory of the other for a moment.

Hisoka could tell Illumi was thinking up plans a-z, but he couldn't help think what would when they reached the end of their options... The Zoldyck's pride themselves on strength and if one member proved useless to them they would dump them. He was nearly shocked when Illumi told him about Alluka and even being blood related they considered her a thing not family, "I'm going to let Bisky know she can come back in, okay?" Hisoka nodded. Walking over to the door he knocked, "Bisky, can you come out here?" She opened the door glad that the Zoldyck didn't open the door to see them with their ears against it.

"Did you two find out anything?" 

"Not yet. It's a mystery to him as well" Good thing about a normally stoic face was that no one could tell if you were lying or telling the truth. Hisoka would commend him in that regard, "But is there something you can do about those marks?" 

She smiled and put her hands on her hips, "Now that's something I can do, but I do charge a fee for this kind of thing..." Rolling his eyes he handed her a few 1000 jenny bills seeing her eyes light up, snatching it out of his hand quickly she went over to Hisoka, "Sit like you would normally." 

Hisoka still had his legs scrunched up to his chest making himself small, "This is normally how I sit." Hearing Illumi shift he was sure Bisky was using nen as a warning so he let his legs fall off the edge of the couch, "Fine, this good?"

That voluptuous woman showed up again by Bisky's side, hm, so he was still able to see highly concentrated nen, "Just relax yourself this won't hurt a bit." 

Staying still was not an easy task, "Okay, but don't people say that when it will hurt?" Bubbles formed around his shoulder and ankle on the hand prints and while they weren't as dark as before, when the bubbles lifted they didn't feel as painful as they had. Now they just looked like faded bruises.

"There. The best way I can think of to avoid what's haunting you is to have another nen user around, a constant en usually spooks most ghosts away." Oh great, that meant no alone time... Both Illumi and Hisoka said goodbye before leaving Bisky's apartment, Illumi had said goodbye to Killua personally before he picked Hisoka up to leave much to Hisoka's displeasure.

Killua waited until he saw Illumi's car drive off through their window, "I couldn't hear a thing of what they said. Did you, Bisky?" 

"Too quiet for me to hear clearly..." Though her reasons for trying to listen had been more of a nosey curiosity getting the better of her kind of thing.

Gon out of all of them had heard perfectly despite sitting on the bed minding his own business, "I think Hisoka was being abused and is getting haunted by his abuser. Someone named Jun." Both Bisky and Killua looked at him wondering just how good of hearing Gon actually has... 

Bisky also couldn't help but feel the name Jun sounded familiar...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make for faster updates~ and not just on this fic show other fic writers some love and comment on their stuff too


	4. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised myself this chapter would be fluff to the end
> 
> Hisoka has a panic attack in this chapter it's near the end though. Last four paragraphs

Hisoka had his arms crossed in the car clutching another dry towel around himself. The car ride was silent the only constant was the faint fuzzy feeling of Illumi's en encircling their car, "Okay, I've been thinking." Illumi gave a sound to let him know he was listening, "Unfinished business. Jun not being in it." 

"Right, you've already said that." Illumi didn't like Hisoka going on without a jacket.

"Well, what if I push him from my mind by just having fun? And since I can't fight, I'm sure I can find some way to keep me happy." Thinking for a moment, he had already knocked off a lot of things on his to do list, "What do real kids do for fun?"

Illumi counted off on his fingers, "Train until their bones nearly break, see how much poison they can drink before they need medical attention, and running away from home to pretend to be friends with some spiky kid who smiles too much." That last one made Hisoka look up at him, even though Killua and Gon were together it seemed Illumi wasn't over Gon stealing his precious little brother away. 

"How about we start small like cooking together?" Quickly adding. "No posion, though." Cooking was always nice, usually he enjoyed whatever Illumi made, but it did sound nice to help out and maybe sneak a few treats... Wait, he was an adult he could eat whatever he wanted! 

"What are you in the mood for?" Illumi was already heading to the store knowing he needed to pick up a few things.

"How about... Steak? It's been awhile since you've made that." Besides it was nearly lunch time, "Maybe some steak cut fries on the side? Oh, oh, and some green beans, the ones you season just right." Thinking a bit more on dinner, "and maybe some pasta, too." His stomach was already growling thinking about it, why was he so hungry anyway? He did have breakfast, oh well he blamed it on the events earlier... No, don't think about that! Lunch. Illumi. Fun. Focus on that.

"What kind of pasta?" 

"Anything that you think will go with steak. We can even get some lean cut beef and put that in. Actually let's have spaghetti too." Usually Hisoka would throw hamburger meat in a pot and lazily make chunks of meat to eat with the spaghetti noodles or elbow noodles. 

"You want two different meals for lunch?" Hisoka barely ate anything besides sugar as it was, it made Illumi wonder if the magician ever ate actual food as a child. 

"Yes." Patting his stomach, "I am _hungry_." Illumi just rolled his eyes, but he was grateful Hisoka didn't seem to focus on almost dying. 

"Fine."

When they drove up to the store Hisoka was zipped into a jacket and changed into an extra pair of pants Illumi had on hand. Walking into the store Illumi had made sure to hold Hisoka's hand despite his... partner's pleas and resistance, he grabbed a shopping cart from the parking lot not bothering to roll it instead just picking it up with one hand and forcing the cart ahead of himself. If he was making spaghetti and steak they needed meat, noodles, and some vegetables, "Think you can pick up the noodles?" 

"Is your en covering the whole store?" When he got a nod he gave a small salute and left to another aisle. Going to the meat counter he picked up two steaks and a tray of cheaper cut beef, that would go good with the spaghetti. 

Hisoka was walking down aisles looking for the pasta it was so much harder when you weren't tall enough to see the hanging signs, his shoes squeaked on the floor when the most beautiful thing caught his eye... the candy aisle had bungee gum! 

\--

Alright, Illumi even picked up some things for dinner Hisoka would probably enjoy a grilled chicken dinner. Small footsteps caught his attention when a lot more than spaghetti was tossed into the cart. Looking away from a vine of tomatoes he saw Hisoka seeming to be quite pleased with himself at the amount of gum now stuffed in their cart, "Did you at least get the noodles?" 

"Yeah they're right there." He reached into the pile and pulled out a box of spaghetti noodles, "I'm surprised Mr. Gourmet chef doesn't want pasta from scratch." Hisoka leaned against the cart blowing up a piece of gum.

"Nothing wrong with store bought, besides you're the one that wants spaghetti." Hisoka popped a bubble in an annoyed way, "What do you think of roasted chicken tonight for dinner?" 

Hisoka placed his hands on his chest grinning up at him, "Oh, Illumi, how romantic." Illumi lightly bopped him on the head with the spaghetti, "Hit me again, Daddy." 

"Hisoka, please. Not when you're like this." 

"Oh? So you like it when I'm fully grown?" He waggled his eyebrows, "Huh, Illumi? When _it's_ fully grown? Get it whe-nf!" He got smacked in the face with the spaghetti.

"Why am I with you again?" Hisoka just grinned again.

"Because you love me." Illumi just rolled his eyes and looked through more of the vegetables weighing some green beans in a bag, "Don't you love me, Illumi?" 

That didn't sound like Hisoka's normal mirth, "You already know the answer." 

"I'm gonna go with yes, you're head over heels for me, right?" Illumi had to ignore those puppy dog eyes, but he did pat Hisoka's head.

"Your hair's still wet, that can't be good for you in this cold." Illumi pulled out a beanie from his jacket he'd used for quick disguises and placed it on Hisoka's head.

Hisoka blushed slightly looking away, he didn't want to say anything about being cold but was secretly glad Illumi cared. Of course he did. Why would he doubt that with how Illumi had saved his life less than an hour ago? "Thanks... and thanks for saving me..."

Illumi wasn't sure what to do with that, so he just brushed it off, "You should have waited for me to go with you." 

"Aw, Illumi, were you worried about me?" 

"I'm not answering that." 

Hisoka popped another bubble with a grin on his face.

\-----

Getting home was uneventful, but Hisoka did fall asleep in the car on the ride home. Illumi easily carried him in with the groceries in one go, more than one trip was for the weak. Hisoka was placed onto the table with the groceries before he started putting the food for dinner away keeping what they were going to cook out. When he started thinking about it a constant en field wouldn't be hard to keep up for a few weeks and hopefully what was making Hisoka repress his nen would be resolved by then. He could probably manage longer if he tried. 

Hisoka made a small noise in his sleep before waking up feeling at the hard wood table, "We got home?" He yawned and stretched hopping down he started rubbing at his eyes, "How did I manage to lay on a hard floor with no problems?" It was mostly to himself.

The assassin had already started preparing food having wiped down their chopping board, "Did you still want to help cook lunch?" 

"Yeah, pass me a knife." He held out his hand but Illumi only placed an onion in it, "..." 

"Peel that first, and wash your hands." Illumi had some of the green beans in olive oil wrapping them up in some foil.

"Illumi, I'm still an adult I can cut things." He stood as tall and proud as he could despite being 4'7", though it wasn't intimidating and he had no muscle to back himself up, "Urgh, fine, but I need the bathroom." 

Continuing in wrapping the green beans in foil Illumi placed it in the oven before looking up to Hisoka, "Well, aren't you going to go?" 

Hisoka had his arms folded and padded his feet on the floor, "C-can you stand outside the..." Illumi couldn't hear the last part.

"What?" 

Blushing red and hating to admit that he was scared Hisoka forced himself to repeat, "Can you, er, stand by. The door." Damn small bladder... But Illumi set the oven and gestures Hisoka to head to their bathroom. Illumi was going to walk in with him, but Hisoka pressed a hand against his stomach to stop him, "Outside the door." This was embarrassing enough,and he despised being the one who was embarrassed. So he decided to fake being confident.

Illumi leaned against the wall by the door hearing the tell tale sound of... Well, bathroom noises. At least Hisoka wasn't running off without him, but that also meant he was more fearful of Jun than he was interested in being his own independent person. Though, that fear wasn't unfounded... Illumi didn't know what to call what he was feeling, but he knew if he hadn't set a time to check up on Hisoka... He might've come home alone to an empty apartment missing someone who had been in a large portion of his life. That thought alone left a pit in his stomach he knew he shouldn't have, but it was settled his mission would be to keep Jun from Hisoka!

"Hey, Illumi can I ask a tmi question?" 

Of course Hisoka always found a way to make Illumi question why he cared so much, "Not if it's about your privates." 

A pause, "Okay, but I'll say this; when I got big, I got _Big_." Illumi groaned in annoyance. There now he wasn't the one embarrassed. Victory! Grinning he pulled the step up to the sink turning on the faucet he put some soap in his hands before looking up into the mirror. His eyes widened in fear seeing Jun standing behind him with a grin, "I-I-Illumi!" He was frozen in place Jun's hands looking like they were reaching around him caused him to throw the soap dish into the mirror in an attempt to get away from him. 

Illumi nearly pulled the door off the hinges with the speed he rushed into the room with, what he saw was Hisoka on the floor pieces of the mirror around him and shaking uncontrollably muttering to himself and holding himself tight enough to leave marks on his own arms. Illumi flared his nen but couldn't feel anything other then them... He gathered Hisoka into his arms and took him back to the kitchen to sit him in a chair, "Hisoka, Hisoka." He pulled Hisoka's hands into his, "Look at me, you're with me." Hisoka was still shivering his eyes focusing on Illumi finally, "Breathe with me." Illumi breathed in deep having Hisoka copy him until the other was breathing relatively normal.

"He w-was... H-he was i-in th-th-the mirror..." His body started shaking again, but Illumi tried his best to keep him calm. It was odd seeing Hisoka like this, Illumi had once seen the man tear another person's throat out with his nails and lick the blood off of them, now Hisoka was a mess... Whatever Jun did to Hisoka it obviously left a very deep scar in him... 

"He won't hurt you again. I'm here, I'll always be here." Hisoka didn't seem to feel comforted by that, instead his eyes darted around the room trying in vain to see an invisible threat. All Illumi could do was rub his back and tell him he was okay. A constant en field could last weeks, but what did it mean that Hisoka was still seeing Jun so close when Illumi's en should have been enough to keep it away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff to the end is a dirty lie


	5. Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly sure there's a warning on this chapter, but if there is please let me know.

Hisoka had calmed down enough to put his cool demeanor back up, how embarrassing that Illumi had seen him incoherent again... This was not going to become a regular occurrence! Why was Illumi looking at him like he was worried for his well being? It made him so unsure of himself... Despite his ability to keep a schooled smile his shoulders were still shaking, "Hey, I'm o-okay." Don't stutter! "Illumi, really. I just got a small spook is all, I probably just imagined what I saw." He definitely saw Jun, he wasn't safe, but he would say anything to stop that look Illumi was giving him.

Illumi placed a hand on Hisoka's cheek, though Hisoka involuntarily flinched from the gentle fingers, "Did he touch you?" 

"Illumi, you sound like a social worker..." Truth was; he wasn't sure Jun put his hands on him, he just remembered panicking.

The hand was still soft, amazing really since Illumi could kill him with the flick of a finger, "Hisoka, this is serious. Why are you acting like it isn't?" 

Because if he admitted that he was extremely afraid Illumi would pity or think him pathetic. Because if he admitted that he was in real danger he wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Because if he told Illumi exactly what he was feeling he wouldn't look at himself the same way again, "Because, a ghost isn't a big problem." It was better that Illumi sighed instead of making this a big deal, "Are we still gonna have lunch?" He wasn't hungry anymore, in fact he felt like emptying his stomach from the anxiety he felt.

It seemed Hisoka still didn't trust him... "Yeah, you still want spaghetti and steak, right?" 

"Well, the green beans are cooking so how about just steak?" Topic successfully changed. 

\-----

Lunch was absolutely delicious, who knew assassin training included an all out five star cooking degree? Both Hisoka and Illumi were sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around the both of them, the only sounds were the TV and the small clicks of Hisoka's nails on his phone, "Alright, so I looked up the hours for the psychic she's open until nine tonight." He didn't know what compelled him to be hesitant to visit her, "Maybe we should wait until tomorrow, I don't want to deal with something happening like getting in a car wreck, or something..." 

Illumi tried threading his fingers through Hisoka's hair, but the chlorine from the hot tub and being stuck under the beanie gave it a gross feel, "She might have valuable information we can't wait on." 

"But she said she didn't have nen that would work, so what's the point?" Not only that, but he was afraid to be left without an option, giving a small yawn he leaned against Illumi's chest, "Besides I'm exhausted..." It must have been the smaller body... 

Wrapping the blanket more tightly around them Illumi held onto Hisoka keeping him close and hopefully out of harm's way, "It's only three in the afternoon." 

"Well than, I'm taking a nap." Pulling the blanket up to his chin he closed his eyes, "Just gonna rest for a little bit, it'll be fine..." Hisoka yawned softly again letting his head rest against Illumi's heart, always so calm... 

Illumi kept gently running his fingers through Hisoka's hair, the other really was exhausted if the gentle breathing of sleep said anything. That shop closed at nine, but Illumi bet he could get information while Hisoka slept. Waiting a few minutes he picked up the sleeping magician keeping him wrapped in the blanket before heading out to their car, he buckled Hisoka in easily enough thinking to himself how Hisoka needed to be trained to stay aware even while sleeping, but that could be taken care of later. He kept his en flared during the drive keeping it from touching Hisoka but enclosing him enough to keep that ghost at bay. Nothing would touch what's his.

Halfway to the psychic's Hisoka was fitting in his sleep muttering fearful things Illumi couldn't understand, it could be ignored for now. Though, it wasn't long until Hisoka woke up not taking to the sudden change of being in a moving car without his knowledge, and just having scared himself awake that overwhelming nauseas feeling came back worse than before and leaned forward puking on the car floor, "Gross... Where are we going?" Hisoka fought down his panic when he saw Illumi at the wheel.

"Right now; the car wash." 

Hisoka leaned against the window before he held a hand to his mouth looking for something to throw up in, but ultimately added to the floorboards, "Urp... You were going to take me to that psychic..." What was wrong with him? He felt awful... "Did you poison me?" His face felt like it was on fire and pain was shooting through him.

"I haven't." Thankfully there was a car wash nearby and he pulled up into the parking lot that had vacuums in it. Ignoring Hisoka's tired complaints he got out going over to his side, looking down at the damage, their car was going to stink for weeks but seeing Hisoka made him feel something akin to sympathy. The now kid looking magician had red on his cheeks and was panting in his seat, feeling his forehead Hisoka was burning up and was too weak to pull Illumi's hand away. 

"I-I'm..." His eyes closed shivering in his seat, things started to distort and his head felt so muggy... 

Illumi decided to get the floorboards cleaned later, right now he needed to see if Hisoka had a mark causing him illness. He pulled the blanket from around Hisoka and lifted his shirt to look for any more hand marks, the bruising was still there from the marks he knew about, thanks to Bisky they were fading. Holding Hisoka steady he leaned him forward and bit his lip at what he saw. An angry hand print that looked dark purple at its center seemingly spreading out on Hisoka's lower back. It had to have been there since this morning... He was afraid to touch it not knowing how it would affect his partner, most people who couldn't even feel nen didn't last long when they were being affected by it, Hisoka had to have had it for hours not knowing... Maybe even longer... Hisoka had been seeing Jun since he was stuck, what if the mark was left on him before he sealed his own nen? What if it was the cause of Hisoka being like this? He pulled out his phone dialing Bisky's number.

"Hello?" 

Keeping his voice steady, "Are you still in the city?" 

"Yes? Is something wrong?" Did he speak too quickly?

Using one hand he straightened Hisoka's shirt and pulled the blanket around him, "I need you to get another mark off of Hisoka." 

"Alright, but I'm charging for its removal." 

He didn't bother to say bye instead just saying, "Fine." Price could be discussed later, and so far all that seemed to drive Bisky was young men and jewels. A simple enough payment.

\----

He knew where Bisky's room was having rushed through the lobby with Hisoka still wrapped in the blanket muttering incoherent things into the blanket. Taking long fast strides he made it to Bisky's room and knocked with his foot, when Bisky opened the door he wasted no time walking in. Gently Hisoka was placed down onto the couch, Illumi pulled down the blanket and lifted the shirt up his back, "How did he get this mark?" 

"I don't know, but it must have been there when or before he almost drowned." Illumi saw how Hisoka's eyes were squeezed shut and hit teeth grit against whatever this mark was doing to him.

Bisky moved to inspect it before she brought out Cookie, "This will take awhile, and I have some valuable information for you." 

That caught Illumi's attention, "Did you find out a way to turn him back?" 

She shook her head, "Not yet, but I do have information on Jun." Illumi didn't notice any visible change in Hisoka at the mention of that name, he must have been too out of his wits to hear. This was a perfect opportunity to find out what he was up against without having to get it out of Hisoka.

"What do you know?" Some part of him felt guilty, but he needed to know. 

Walking over to the small bar Bisky took a seat by it, "At first I wondered why his name felt familiar, so I looked him up in the hunter database. Turns out he was an examiner the same year I was." She didn't remember much in the way of his personality, but she remembered how he took interest in controlling other examiners, "He was a manipulator. Having killed off the entire group of examinees for the second trial, not much of him was known after that, but I did find this." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of folded printed paper, "He went missing twenty two years ago along with a boy." Illumi took it looking at who it was.

"Hisoka..." The boy in the picture had a smile on his face despite wearing rags and looking too thin for his age, nothing like the cruel grin Illumi had seen Hisoka give to people who he would ultimately fight to the death. It was odd seeing Hisoka anywhere close to genuinely happy... "Is there anything on Jun's abilities?" 

"I'm afraid the only thing we know about are those hand prints on your friend." 

"He's not my friend." It was automatic response, but Bisky didn't seem to judge. She only raised her hands in a defense.

"He never showed any of his abilities to anyone, and I'm assuming the ones who did know are all dead." Bisky's creation seemed to be finished clapping her hands together and bowing before disappearing, "You should take this time to look for other marks on him." 

Illumi nodded taking in a breath before peaking to look for other marks and not finding anything, "That had to be the last one, thank you, Bisky." Hisoka didn't look like he was in pain anymore, so Illumi covered him back up in the blanket.

"Just be sure to pay me." He nodded.

"I'll wire you the money." Gathering Hisoka in his arms he hoped that now the en surrounding them would keep Jun away from Hisoka. 

Illumi contemplated on taking Hisoka to the psychic's, but wasn't sure if he should do that or to go home and see if Jun would or could make another appearance. The safer route would be to just go home for now. It had after all been too much for one day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe five chapters in and it hasn't even been a day?


	6. Babysitting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warning for this chapter yay~

When Hisoka woke up he was laid against the black cat plush, he looked around in the dim room noting a light coming from underneath their bedroom door. It was either night, or early morning, and he wasn't sure which. He reached over to the bedside table for his phone having to hold it away from his face when he blinded himself with the light, "Damn it..." Squinting his eyes, it was 5pm. So he had slept for a few hours at least. Whatever was wrong with him seemed to be gone for now, so that was a plus, but where was Illumi? Was he making dinner? Getting out of his bed he gave a small stretch noticing that he was in his undershirt and shorts, same thing he had on a few hours before. 

Opening the door to their bedroom the first thing he noticed was that Illumi wasn't home, and in his place was Chrollo and Feitan both sitting on the couch with lit candles both reading a book, "I gotta say I was expecting another black haired beauty to be on my couch." Fuck, please let Chrollo not hold a grudge for trying to fight him before.

"Illumi paid us to babysit." At this Hisoka crossed his arms at the term, "And well, I was curious on just how you messed up to be stuck as a powerless tiny one." Chrollo gave him his nonchalant smile, "I almost forgot how cute you were as a kid." Hisoka stuck his tongue out at them completely hating the situation he was in. How could Illumi betray him like this? 

Feitan added in, "Too bad your attitude hasn't changed too." Not bothering to look up from his art book.

"Where's Illumi?" Any other time he would be elated to be near Chrollo, but right now he wouldn't get what he wanted from the other. Not while he was stuck like this. He swore if it wasn't Chrollo losing his nen it was Hisoka losing his!

Chrollo shut his book with a small thud and motioned for Hisoka to join him, though the tiny magician refused to move from his spot, "He's on an assassination contract, couldn't take you along with him so he asked in a favor." 

Illumi couldn't get another Zoldyck? Though thinking about that now, Illumi's family didn't take a liking to him... "And I'm gonna believe you're doing this for money or out of the kindness of your heart?" Chrollo noticed how Hisoka didn't redirect his real emotions in that sentence. Hm, interesting... 

"I took this on for curiosity." He stood and walked over to Hisoka noting how despite Hisoka's seemingly uncaring façade there was a small hitch in his shoulders when Chrollo placed a hand on his shoulder. Those hand marks... Such a blast from the past when he first met Hisoka, "Besides, even if you aren't a spider you've gained a place as an ally." 

Hisoka gave a small huff, "We both know that's a lie." 

Chrollo's smirk grew slightly, always difficult, "Alright, it's just curiosity and maybe I wanted to see how you're taking to being powerless." Kneeling down beside Hisoka he was hoping he didn't look as threatening, though he doubted any position he took would have Hisoka at ease, "So, is there a reason why we're supposed to keep a constant en field around you?" 

"Like I'm going to tell you?" His back was against the wall not trusting the spider.

Chrollo merely shrugged, "Than I guess we can take it down?" 

Hisoka was quick to grab his arm, "No!" Quickly putting on a nonchalant mask, "I mean... I..." Make an excuse! "Um..." 

This was just too perfect, "A nen ghost is after you, isn't it?" 

Defeated he nodded, "Okay so maybe there is..." Hisoka noticed how he was still holding onto Chrollo's arm and quickly pulled away, "How long until Illumi comes back?" 

Hisoka seemed to have lost his ability to lie easily, though Chrollo wasn't after something to exploit. Just to satisfy a curiosity. "He's been gone since yesterday, so he should be back later tonight." Yesterday? 

"But he was with me today?" Just how long was he out?

"You've been asleep for nearly two days." Two days!? What had been affecting him? He flinched when one of Chrollo's hands pointed to the mark on his shoulder, "Hisoka, these marks from the ghost. Are they from _that_ man?" How did Chrollo easily guess that?

Hisoka made himself small against the wall, "No, they're not..." So they were, Chrollo felt for Hisoka, after all he was being haunted by the worst kind of nen ghost. One that could easily find a weakness. 

"Would you like to sit with us on the couch?" Giving a small nod Hisoka watched as Chrollo made his move to the couch first before pulling away from the wall, "Hisoka, if we were here to harm you, don't you think Fei would have been pulling your eyes out by now?" 

"That makes me feel so much better." Sarcasm heavy as he side stepped to the couch, "So, what are you reading?" Might as well make time go by faster by small talk.

"'The Grand Inquisitor'," Hisoka made a face at that, "Don't like it?" Chrollo was reminded of their younger days sorting through junk when they were learning how to read.

"I just don't like classic literature, who cares about the past?" Besides he was a firm believer that he didn't need someone to reinforce their thoughts of 'good' onto him. 

_'You do obviously if you're stuck like this...'_ Chrollo just let it go, but Feitan spoke up, "Says the one who read nothing but trashy romance novels." 

"Hey, I only read them for the sheer comedy." Totally didn't have a crush on one of the characters who had jet black hair or anything... "What about you?" Looking up from his book Feitan let out a small noise of questioning, "You would read nothing but art books."

"I still taught you to read." Hisoka stuck his tongue out at him, "If you want to keep that I would put it back in your mouth." Knowing Feitan he would so Hisoka had to do what they said. For now. 

"I'm hungry..." Looking between the two who didn't seem to react, "Oh, how I wish someone would maybe cook something." 

"You know how to cook." Chrollo lounged back with his book putting his feet up on the already scuffed coffee table.

Hisoka made himself look helpless and cute to cater to Chrollo's more softer side. "But I'm small and helpless..." Puppy dog eyes were so much more effective as a child.

"Use a chair." How heartless!

Hisoka grumbled getting off the couch and walked to the kitchen, he quickly noticed a note standing up on the table so he climbed up into one of the chairs and nabbed it, _'I left 30,000 jenny in the usual place if you want to order pizza'._ Aw, how sweet~ Hisoka pushed the chair up to a cabinet to get to the cookie jar behind the rice. No cooking for another day victory! Triumphantly walking back to the living room, "Hey, are you hungry?"

"A little, why?" 

Hisoka held up his cell phone, "Can you call in a pizza?" 

"What do you want?" 

"I guess two pepperonis and some buffalo wings?" 

"Stuffed crust?"

Hisoka nodded quickly, handing over the phone after dialing the usual pizza place. Chrollo ordered smoothly and Hisoka got back his phone, "So how much was it?" 

"2,500. It's odd seeing you pay for anything." Chrollo gave his phone back 

"Yeah, well, not like I got the ability to scare the pizza delivery person like this." Hopping up on the couch he grabbed the TV remote, "Besides, Illumi's the one paying." 

\-----

Hisoka ended up paying and tipping the driver 5,000 because he didn't want to wait for change and was definitely not impressed with the quick delivery in any way, plopping it down on the table all three of them dug in. Nostalgia at being together for a meal, and seeing Hisoka as a little kid made Chrollo smile, "This takes me back to when we left Meteor City the first time, and we took someone's pizza for the first time." 

"A long way better than roasted rats." Feitan added.

"At least we didn't go to the Gas Glam Lands first." At the time it was the entertainment center of the world, something that grabbed Chrollo's attention when he found out they had classic plays and operas. Hisoka was glad he talked them out of it.

"You never did like that city." Many things were up for grabs in that city, and many of them unique and interesting, "I would think you'd feel at home there. Especially since you're a magician." Despite knowing Hisoka since they were children, he didn't know anything of where the man came from, all he could do was make educated guesses on why Hisoka was Hisoka. There was a theory floating in the back of his mind that Hisoka had been sold into human trafficking in the Gas Glam Lands and was taken out to the outskirts of Meteor City as a messed up pet, after all even though everything was deemed legal to throw away in their home city it was heavily frowned upon to be part of any kind of slave trading. 

In his thoughts Chrollo noticed how Hisoka had stayed silent, so he placed a hand on his shoulder, this seemed to snap Hisoka out of whatever thought he was in, "Too much competition, a magician always finds a way to entertain the masses with his own stage." Hisoka sounded distracted, but Chrollo left it there. 

Let tonight be peaceful with pizza and something good on TV. 

"Hey, Feitan, am I still taller than you?" 

At least as peaceful with Hisoka as it could be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you look closely you'll see I have no idea who Chrollo is as a character. TuT
> 
> Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this chapter please leave a comment it keeps updates going


	7. Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there would be any warning for this chapter but let me know if there is one I should tag.

When they were young Feitan had been the oldest, and despite being a small kid everyone knew he'd get his way or his temper would level a city block. Chrollo had been a good few years younger than him, but his charismatic nature had won over the aloof kid. It was a fresh breath of air of someone so willing to make the most out of their situation. Normally he told Chrollo they couldn't keep any strays, but when Chrollo dragged in another boy on his back with unusual colored hair, and the way Chrollo absolutely adored the shade made Feitan grumble about another mouth to feed... Even though he knew kids or the occasional baby was abandoned in their city, most only took in what they could. 

"Where do you think they came from?" Their shack was small, but they had made enough room to make a cardboard bed for the mystery kid, Chrollo had scrounged up an old blanket to cover their bottom half considering Pink was only wearing an oversized shirt and nothing else underneath it. That, and the metal cuff around his left foot.

"Who cares? They're garbage now." Just like everything else in their city, but Chrollo just went back to staring at the stranger, nothing ever quenched the seven year old's curiosity.

A split lip, a black eye, and gaunt cheeks, "Someone big must've been mad at him." Chrollo for the past hour was making up theories on how this pink haired boy made it to their part of the world, from a circus leaving him behind, to Pink being a runaway. If anything being this badly bruised in Feitan's head meant he was more than likely trouble, but oh, how he would learn how right he actually was...

A day had passed, Feitan was beginning to think their new addition was in a coma he wouldn't wake up from, but Chrollo had the idea to cook up the rat they caught and waved it in front of Pink's face. A pale nose twitched before a hand faster than what both thought was possible snatched the rat and the boy scrambled to the farthest wall hunched over what he thought was a steal. The kid had to be starving with how fast he scarfed down the rat puling bones out of it to get to more meat. 

When he was finished he held the stick as a weapon against the both of them, Chrollo put his hands in the air to show he wasn't a threat, "Hey, easy, we're not gonna hurt you." Pink still held the stick, but made a gesture like he was drinking something, "Do you want some water?" A nod. Chrollo went over to a large bowl and used his own cup to bring Hisoka some water, Hisoka looked at it before drinking it down. Had to have been dying of thirst when he easily drank down the barely filtered water. Feitan remembered how Hisoka didn't put down the stick for the rest of the night, staying huddled in the corner. 

Now as adults Feitan never saw him as anything more than that shivering kid behind a thick mask.

\-----

Five weeks had passed with this new babysitting routine, Chrollo and Feitan would always show up before Illumi left or at least Illumi would leave only when the en field was passed on, Illumi was sometimes gone for a few hours or for a few days, Hisoka was guessing that's why Chrollo had Feitan come along so they could take shifts, but Hisoka was worried that Feitan would want to take out a grudge against him and let the nen ghost kill him or worse... 

Though, nothing seemed to happen. Ju- the ghost never showed up, didn't even cause a nightmare, right now he felt safe enough to root around on how to turn himself back into an adult. One thing bothered him however... Illumi had become much more slower with missions, a simple hit took three days, it made Hisoka think the other was wearing himself down or he was searching for an answer to Hisoka's past, as narcissistic as that sounded it did make sense when Illumi wasn't questioning him directly and started hiding things from him. He was sick of it!

Hisoka stood up from the couch abruptly making both Chrollo and Feitan look up, "What's wrong?" 

"I'm tired, gonna turn in for the night." It was a lie, he was going to see if Illumi was hiding anything important about his situation. Besides they wouldn't pry since they could tell exactly where he was and what he was doing at all times, it just got so annoying after awhile and it made Hisoka itch knowing he never has privacy now.

When he made into Illumi's room he looked through drawers finding nothing, but he knew one place Illumi didn't know that he knew about. Rooting through the secret hole under a floorboard he knew Illumi used as a safe hiding place. Finding in it a small lock box, Illumi fortunately didn't seal it with nen which meant he was confident in this spot being hidden even from Hisoka. 

A short pick lock had it open and Hisoka found more than what he expected to find, "How could you...?" File after file of everything the hunter association had on Jun was in this box. How could Illumi keep this from him!? He bit his lip as he read, no known hatsu ability, no living relatives, age unknown... Then Hisoka stumbled onto a piece of folded paper and seeing his own picture alongside Jun's. Taking in a breath. He had been considered a missing person for years... Which meant his mother... His mother had been worried about him enough to alert someone... Hisoka closed the lockbox and placed it back under the floorboard before tucking his knees to his chest. It had been so long since he actually let himself cry for her, he thought she had abandoned him... How long had it been since he'd last visited her? It had to have been ten years by now...

Looking down at the paper he still clutched, he folded the half with Jun's face on it, damn he looked horrible when he was little. 

Illumi got how sometime later that night, yawning before he opened the door to their apartment. Weeks with no rest had finally started to tax on him, but he had to make sure Jun didn't attack Hisoka again. He could last for a month if he had to, "You two can leave now, I already wired you the money." He noted how Hisoka wasn't sat between them putting up an en field he felt Hisoka in his bed clutching that cat plushy.

"It would be nice to get a limited 1st edition book every now and then for babysitting." 

"I'll see what I can find." Illumi didn't bother saying goodbye, after all Chrollo was just an employee at the moment. 

When he was sure they were gone he went to his room about to pull the blanket a little higher on Hisoka, "How long have you been researching about him?" 

"About who?" Illumi was too tired to really grasp who Hisoka was talking about.

Hisoka turned around and shoved the piece of paper in his chest, "Him! Why didn't you tell me!?" All of this information would have been helpful to him more than Illumi!

"Because I thought you knew." When Illumi didn't have the capacity to express himself he reverted to his deadpan face, "You're the only one who could have seen his ability, and since you don't tell me anything I had to find what I could." He was losing patience and time, "Tell me what you know, Hisoka." Illumi rarely used a threatful tone against him.

Hisoka suddenly remembered how Illumi was an expert in torture, one of the best in his family and rivaled Feitan... and he knew Hisoka's major weakness, "If I don't...?" 

"I'll make you talk." Illumi made his point clear by grabbing Hisoka's shoulder lifting him off the ground and pulled out needles. 

Hisoka gulped, "I don't know his ability..." He had tried to block out what was happening to him when it was happening.

"Tell me the truth." It was the truth!

"I-I don't know." A needle was pressed to his throat, "I really don't know! ...please, Illumi..." He risked his hand going over Illumi's to remind him that Hisoka wasn't a target. 

This seemed to work, soulless eyes turned less soulless. Illumi put his needles down and placed Hisoka gently on his feet, and pinched the bridge of his nose closing his eyes for a moment, "Sorry... I blacked out for a second." He was starting to work on autopilot from his exhaustion, but he couldn't rest, he had to keep the en up now that no one else was here to do that for Hisoka.

"Illumi, have you been up non stop working and looking after me?" Despite being threatened Hisoka knew when Illumi got tired he would rely on hardwired training. Thinking for a moment the only option would be calling Chrollo and Feitan back, "I can call-" 

"It's fine, Hisoka." 

"It's not fine." Tiny hands pushed Illumi to bed, but didn't get far seeing as how he had the strength of a ten year old and Illumi could bench press their apartment building if he felt like it, "You need rest too, or else something bad will happen and neither of can handle it." His feet dragged across the floor with his efforts, but Illumi easily picked him up by the scruff of his hoodie.

"If you're worried, then we need to find the solution to this problem." 

"Okay, but can you put me down?" 

Illumi put him down again, "How did you get your nen in the first place?"

"Like first used it?" Illumi nodded, "When I had to-" Hisoka bit his lip, "When I had to save my own life." He didn't like the thoughtful look Illumi had.

"Then we'll have you save your own life." Hisoka really didn't like the sound of that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure this will go on for a few more chapters, but it is coming to a close soon.


	8. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short because I feel the scene I wanted to add was too long to keep this chapter under 2k

First attempt at putting Hisoka in danger was small, "You'll catch me if I fail, right?" Currently Hisoka was standing on a high chair facing the hard tiled floor of the kitchen, "Right?" He looked over to Illumi who only stared, "Okay, I get it. Keeping me guessing." Looking back at the floor he swung his arms a few times, "Seriously though, catch?" No answer. This wouldn't be so bad, he just had to do a small trial run, if he fails to catch himself it's probably going to hurt especially if he belly flops. Alright. Three. Two. One... "What if I break my nose? It will never look right again." 

"Hisoka." 

"Okay, okay." Don't even count down. Just. Jump. Lean forward. Okay, just don't even look and let yourself fa- suddenly the chair went higher and disappeared under his feet forcing him to try to use his nen only for nothing to stick. Shit! Hisoka hit the floor with a thud, "It didn't work... ow..." He rubbed at his side that hit the floor when he sat up.

"We need something more stronger, something that really puts you in danger." Illumi looked to the window and back at Hisoka.

Hisoka put out his arm, "Wait." Getting up from the floor he continued, "Let's do something else first." At the confused look in Illumi's face, "I have two things I want to take care of. I gotta visit someone, and have a last meal in case things don't work out." 

"Alright, put on a jacket." Hisoka left the room, but hesitated on coming back into the room when he got his jacket. Unfinished business. This would be unfinished business and he hoped it would work.

"I'm ready." 

\-----

The car ride was quiet, Illumi was too tired to hold a conversation or at least to contribute to one. Hisoka had him stop by a flower shop, picking up a bouquet of purple hyacinths. His mother had taught him a little of flower meanings, and she adored anthuriums saying how only a few had edible fruit, her favorite metaphor about people was how they were like anthuriums; different shapes, colors, and some poisonous. If only she knew how Hisoka would grow to be one of the poisonous ones... Hisoka convinced Illumi that he needed to take an airship to the place he wanted to go.

Looking over to Illumi the other was only paying attention to the sky, Hisoka hadn't told him the full truth of where they were going, but he was glad Illumi was going along with him, "So, I'm thinking of getting bubble gum ice cream, waffles, and a cake if this doesn't work and I die." 

"Hm." Illumi wasn't really listening.

"You know my mom was really nice, even if we didn't have much money she did love performing in front of a crowd." Illumi still wasn't listening, "She always said our pink hair meant we were made to grab attention." Hisoka waited on a response but there wasn't one. Illumi was operating on basic training, "Did you know one time a lizard bit my butt?" Still nothing, that was fine. At least Illumi wouldn't press him into admitting anything. Why was he thinking of that now? There was nothing to fear right now, Jun wasn't showing up so it was fine. Illumi could hold out a nen field even with basic training and when they got home Chrollo could come over and give his boyfriend a rest. Fuck, he was stupid. They wouldn't even be in this mess if he had just stayed an adult! He's already thought of this so many times before and it made him feel worse when neither Illumi nor Chrollo would blame him. He knew they had to think it, Illumi had to be sick of him by now... No. Illumi cared because he was trying so hard on finding a permanent solution to the haunting... Hisoka gripped the puffiness of his pants to calm his nerves, but ultimately he knew he was now useless...

Illumi had closed his eyes nearly letting his en field drop before snapping back awake, looking down to Hisoka he noticed how the now tiny magician was tense, "What's wrong?" 

Hisoka quickly changed his demeanor, "Nothing, why do you ask?" Hw didn't understand. Why did Hisoka hide everything? 

Of course Illumi knew they would draw unwanted attention if he pressed, "You just seem a little tense." 

"Just a little airsick." Illumi made a small noise to end the conversation, looking around he had to look twice when he thought he saw someone looking right at him, but there wasn't anyone paying attention to them. He must be near the end of his rope.

\-----

Upon reaching ground, a rented car, and a map Hisoka gave directions on where they were going, "Okay, just straight down this street and we should be there." Illumi didn't want to think too hard on why they were in a town near the Gas Glam Lands when Hisoka hated ever visiting the damn city. Besides he'd know soon enough since Hisoka couldn't stay out of his reach, "Stop." Illumi eased the car near the side walk, kind of dreary to live near a graveyard... Just who was Hisoka visiting? When Hisoka walked across the street into the graveyard realization clicked inside of Illumi's head. Oh.

After a minute of searching they came across a plain looking stone in the ground, "Illumi, this is my mom." Taking in what was actually on the stone there was 'Maria Morou' carved in plain text, decorated by a swallow and broken sword engraved by what looked to be an amateur. Illumi almost suspected Hisoka had carved it himself... "Illumi?"

"Sorry, when did she pass?" He noticed the lack of birth year or date of a death on the stone. 

Hisoka laid the flowers on top of her grave, and brushed away the accumulated dirt off the stone, "I wasn't with her when she died, so I don't really know." After a moment of silence he spoke again, "Can I get a little privacy to say some things?" Illumi nodded and forced his en field to reach farther giving Hisoka room to say whatever he wanted. 

When Hisoka was as alone as he could be he cleared his throat, "So, you really did try to find me. If only I had the luck to be kidnapped by a regular person, right?" He knew he'd get no response, "I'm sorry for not visiting more often, and I'm sorry that I couldn't be there when you, you know..." Just what could he say? The woman was dead and no doubt even if she was alive she would probably never want to see him again for the things he's done, "Thanks for at least trying to find me... Just wherever you are I hope you don't have to look down on me." He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder only to find that it was Illumi. A thumb wiped away one of his tears and he quickly turned away to wipe his face, "I told you to give me some privacy." 

"If your mother was anything like mine, she'd be proud how strong you became." Hisoka knew Illumi meant that as a good thing, but damn did he want to yell that his mother was nothing like Mrs. Zoldyck. 

"Thanks." Standing up he brushed his pants off, "Alright, I said what I wanted. We can go." Hisoka gave one last look at the grave and pressed two fingers to his lips before touching the stone, "Okay." 

Getting in the car Illumi didn't say anything, Hisoka suspected that he was back to autopilot. Oh well, Hisoka was tired so a nap could do him good as Illumi drove them back to the airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out fluff is gonna have to prevail in the end, but this is gonna get dark in the next chap so be warned


	9. Trains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for near death in this chapter

No nightmares were nice for a change, maybe his mother had been at the grave and was protecting him in her own way, however it was short lived when he was forcibly pulled out of the passenger seat of the rented car by Illumi, "Illumi? Wha?" They were in a forested part of the town, he couldn't see where Illumi was heading but he could hear the sounds of an oncoming train, "Illumi! What are you doing!?" He wasn't really planning on doing what Hisoka thought he was doing was he!? "Look, I know I've been a little annoying, but nothing to throw me in front of a train, right?" 

Illumi didn't answer, adamant on what he was going to do a dazed look in his eyes.

"Please don't!" Would Illumi even catch him? The train was getting louder, "You'll catch me ri-" Illumi flung him before he finished Hisoka saw just how close the train actually was and time slowed to a near stop. Was this really how he would go out? No fight, no polished toy, no performance... This couldn't be happening! Hisoka reached his hands out in front, make a bungee gum cushion! Attach to a tree! Do something! He didn't want to die... Not like this.

Hisoka closed his eyes knowing his nen wouldn't come out, it wouldn't save him. Not this time. 

Arms wrapped around him and the next thing he knew he was on the ground held by Illumi his face in his chest. He watched the train go by knowing full well that if Illumi hadn't moved as fast as he had Hisoka would have been nothing but a blood splatter, "A-are you alright?" 

Hisoka shoved out of his arms, "Am I alright!?" He emptied his stomach on the grass. Tears were in his eyes, and his shoulders were shaking, "You threw me in front of a train!" He emphasized his point by gesturing to th train still going by, "I thought you would at least throw me off a tall building to give me some time." Illumi reached out, but Hisoka stepped back as quick as he could, "Don't touch me!" 

Illumi was just as confused, he didn't remember driving out here, and he didn't remember throwing Hisoka in the first place. All he knew was he gained his wits when Hisoka left his arms being flung into a train, "Hisoka, please." He tried reaching out, but Hisoka ended up falling to avoid the touch, "I didn't mean to-" 

"Didn't mean to throw me front of a train!?" He held himself shaking like a leaf, "Look, I get it. I'm useless now, you could just tell me to leave instead of killing me, at least give me the choice..." If anything Illumi throwing him in front of a train not knowing if Hisoka would wake up in time proved that Illumi didn't want him around.

"That's not-" 

"Just go away... I don't want to be by you..." That hurt so much to say. With everyone Hisoka had never been the one to tell anyone to go away.

"What about the en field?" It was a last ditch effort to keep Hisoka by him, Illumi was sure he could keep conscious now because of that blackout, "At least let me help you get home, we'll call Chrollo to come get you."

Hisoka was still shaking, thinking of what his options were, but ultimately knew he really had no choice, "Okay..." 

The entire car ride was spent in silence save for Hisoka's occasional shuffling and the low rumble of the engine. Illumi wasn't used to this kind of eerie silence from Hisoka, he was running through options in his head of what he could do to keep Hisoka. Nothing seemed to work in his mind so he relented in the three hours of silence they spent to get home, it was only broken when Hisoka pulled out his phone and called Chrollo to pick him up. 

A knock on the door, "I'll get it." Hisoka stood up and opened the door seeing both Feitan and Chrollo, "We can go now." He shut the door behind himself and walked down the hall with the two. Chrollo wondered what had happened that Hisoka wasn't putting on a mask. After all Illumi was just sitting on the couch in silence, usually Hisoka was cheerful and would be talking to him. Now, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Nothing was said the whole way down until Chrollo was sure they were out of earshot, "Did something happen, Hisoka?" 

"Aside from being thrown in front of a train this evening; everything is just fine." Hisoka somehow always managed to make the truth sound sarcastic, but that must have been what actually happened. 

"That explains your mood." They would have to walk to their hideout so might as well keep things interesting, "With how you act I figured you didn't care about dying violently." 

"I want to die fighting someone who's actually stronger than me, smarter, I want there to be a performance when I go out. Not being flung by my boyfriend into a moving train because he's tired of me..." Near death experiences weren't as common to him as most thought they were, no, Hisoka had always been in control even when he was injured, every scratch or severed limb had been a calculated move not an unforseen event. 

"He has been up constantly, his brain must be fried by now even if he's a trained master assassin." Kalluto had let loose information on Zokdyck training, it seemed while a Zoldyck could last weeks without rest, the added strain of constantly emitting en was a toll that would weigh on anyone, it was amazing how long Illumi was lasting, "Maybe he was finally at the end of his line." 

"I'm not the one keeping him from taking a rest," Of course he was, "He should have at least rested when you were watching over me." 

"He was watching us watching you." What? Hisoka looked up to Chrollo for an explanation, "He didn't trust us enough to keep you unsupervised, though, I'm guessing he had butlers take shifts when he would go out for a job." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Would have been good to know before Illumi tried to kill him.

"I'm only telling you now because he isn't tailing us this time." That meant three things. One; Illumi was too exhausted to follow. Two; Illumi would now have nothing to do with Hisoka. Three; Illumi knew Hisoka needed space. The second one seemed most likely to Hisoka. 

"Right." They continued on down the street, not saying much. Hisoka was too tired to hold much of a conversation. Besides, Chrollo's hideout was just around the corner.

\-----

Illumi finally let the en field finally drop collapsing back against the couch. Why would he blackout thinking it was okay to throw Hisoka? Why did he even drive them out into the middle of nowhere?

 _'Because I wanted you to.'_

What the hell was that? His limbs seemed to move on their own coming up to feel his face before he forced them down to his sides. His legs planted themselves on the floor pulling him up into a sitting position but Illumi grabbed the arm of the couch to keep himself from moving. 

_'Don't fight this. Let it happen.'_

Illumi struggled more to gain control of his limbs, but it seemed to make everything worse to the point that he couldn't move his finger if he wanted to. What he was guessing was Jun forced his body to go to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

"Hm, not exactly the kind of face I'd want to grow old in." Illumi rarely smiled, but seeing his reflection being cheerful, moving in opposite of what he felt was terrifying and surreal. His face smiled as hands inspected his hair and features as if they were being assessed for some greater purpose than body snatching gave him new kind of feeling of violation, "I almost forgot what it was like to own a body." Illumi hated the feeling of his own hands moving down his body, "Nice figure, but I still have my eyes set on the body I wanted..." Illumi's reflection looked directly into his eyes knowing full well Illumi was still conscious, "Don't worry I'll give it back, but until then. Lights. Out." Illumi was swallowed up into darkness.

\-----

It was around half an hour later that Hisoka had managed to calm down. Thinking back he thought he had seen Illumi looking just confused like he really didn't knew what he did... Hisoka had lost too much of his mask in front of Illumi, maybe he should have let Illumi explain. Sighing he leaned more back on the ratty couch.

"You alright, Hisoka?" Chrollo was reading on the opposite side of the couch, but noticed how much Hisoka had been staring at his phone.

"I'm just thinking." Another sigh, "Maybe I should text him just to see if he's alright." He sent a quick text asking if Illumi was alright.

He got a reply after a few minutes, _'I'm okay.'_

That was a relief, _'I'm sorry for getting mad at you... Do you mind if I come back home to talk?'_

An near instant reply, _'It'll be like nothing ever happened'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end and the next part is gonna be heavy on warnings.


	10. Branches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning on this chapter for reference to non con and child abuse, and graphic violence 
> 
> Here it is guys the final fight

Illumi found himself in a strange place, he wasn't sure if it was a pocket dimension or Jun's actual mind. Looking around it seemed like a small town except for the fact that every thing but the black sky was gray, the only sound was what seemed to be distant thunder from a storm that wasn't present. Even breathing felt strange, like there wasn't air to begin with yet his lungs took in some kind of space, but no time to think on that he had to find a way out. To take his body back before Jun had the chance to harm Hisoka.

Illumi noted where he was and started walking, the buildings sounded like they were settling as he went by. Street after street looked identical, though with the smallest change in detail if Illumi didn't take in everything. He only knew he started making some kind of progress when he heard a faint sob coming from an empty store front. Nothing was in the window display, walking inside he saw three children except on a closer look they were dolls... Illumi called out to them but they didn't stop crying, looking around the small dim boutique he noticed a doll that was hunched in the corner. Pink hair, ratty clothes just like the sobbing children. Against his better judgement Illumi kneeled down for a closer look, dead yellow porcelain eyes. 

He stepped away from the Hisoka replica a sense of dread running through him, that meant the other dolls... He quickly made his way to the crying children and picked one up, they didn't stop their sobbing and waving a hand in front of their face did nothing. Just what exactly was Jun's ability? Why did he need to do this? How many more dolls like this were scattered through the world, and more importantly he couldn't let Hisoka become another doll! 

Leaving the boutique shop Illumi ran down the streets, there had to be some kind of way. Out of all the identical buildings Illumi came across one that had a large theater. The lobby was empty, but for some reason Illumi could hear small popping as if something not there was preparing food for what Illumi guessed were empty screens. Despite his training his foot steps echoed as he walked through the theater heading to the screen rooms in back. More sobbing. More dolls. One theater room had rows of the crying children all seated in front of a screen depicting what had to be memories, no sound as the person recording was looking around an old town, the only light came from an oil lamp. One child cried louder when it's counterpart showed on screen, they wore clothes that fit a time period much older than Illumi could date. Just how long had Jun been doing this? 

He checked other screening rooms coming across similar memories, each time a doll would scream or cry louder when it showed them on screen, though a progression through time seemed to show as well. The last room however was different; no dolls, just empty. The screen showed the latest time and the latest victim, what was seen through Jun's eyes was a woman with short wavy hair was holding her child's hand as they walked down a street. Hisoka. Illumi stayed to watch. Just what happened? The memory seemed to show in clips as Jun places his hand on the woman's shoulder and judging from her perspective he had explained himself holding out a small purse she must have dropped. Illumi noticed how a hand print was left on her shoulder, but no one seemed to noticed.

Then it clicked. Hisoka's mom died from an unknown sickness, her condition getting worse over time no matter what they tried. Hisoka had been showing the same symptoms of her sickness when the handprint on his lower back went unnoticed... Jun planned everything from the beginning. Illumi felt sick as a clip of Hisoka looking up sadly into the camera was comforted by a hand on his head that knew his mother wouldn't get better. Another clip played later on that made Illumi hold a hand to his mouth in disgust and disbelief, no wonder Hisoka was sent into panic when he was reminded of Jun, thinking back on it now Illumi felt horrible for causing it to an answer he already knew. Illumi heard the sound of wooden feet on tile, turning around the Hisoka doll walked into the theater though its face was still unmoving, it's body jerked forward as if on strings. Illumi ran out of the theater, he had to find an exit, if what he guessed was true, Jun was already planning or was working on making Hisoka share the same fate as the other children.

Illumi ran as fast as he could, listening for any change, looking for any new buildings, anything! One thing was clear the thunder was getting louder, only now it sounded more like a heartbeat... Following the beat he nearly fell off what seemed to be the edge of the town. Only a few bricks lined the edge, and nothing but the black sky waited below. Illumi had a choice; jump and hope he finds a way out, or risk time by finding another way. Thinking back to the theater, to that dead eyed doll he really had no choice. 

Illumi jumped.

The sight of Hisoka being tied to their bed, and his leg being snapped in a sickening crack filled Illumi's vision for a brief moment before he landed on pure blackness, it had to be the bedrock of Jun's twisted world. Illumi picked himself up from the levelled floor only to see a creature hunched over, black branches forming out of his back holding up the gray sediment of his world. It turned to look at Illumi it's hand pointing at him. Its feet uprooting from the darkness in cracked noises akin to the sound of Hisoka's leg breaking.

It spoke it's voice loud and surrounding as if it were in Illumi's mind itself _'I'm surprised you made it this far.'_ It sounded like saliva was dripping from Jun's mouth, but this creature had no mouth only white unseeing eyes, _'You could have enjoyed my theater better, it's about- sshhk- to have a new edition.'_

Illumi readied his pins, "You're not taking Hisoka." 

The creature let out a raspy laugh its jaw unhinging into a cruel smile, Jun had no teeth but instead branches formed most of his mouth, _'He'll be my special doll.'_ A sick gurgling noise, _'Making me work hard for his body.'_ That last part was growled, a near inhuman squeal that didn't seem to come from Jun but more from inside of him.

That didn't stop Illumi from throwing pins at this creature, all of them imbedded themselves into its flesh however this didn't seem to affect Jun at all. Illumi didn't want to get close, a part of his instinct telling him that if he did he would be swallowed whole and both Hisoka and himself would be lost forever. Stepping back he felt strings touch his back before they wrapped his arms and legs forcing him to get closer. 

_'Such a pretty doll...'_ The strings pulled Illumi in every direction keeping him pinned, _'Just how close are you to my latest toy?'_ Illumi closed his eyes when a branched hand touched at his face and suddenly every memory he had with Hisoka seemed to play out in front of them. Jun was laughing quietly at what he saw. How Hisoka had given him flowers when they first met, the time he had saved Illumi's life on his first major mission, every time Illumi would wake up to the smiling face that would kiss his nose every morning the first year they had moved in together. Illumi didn't feel vulnerable seeing these memories, it made him want to fight harder, to make it back to seeing his... his best friend! 

"You're not taking him!" Illumi kicked through the air, but the force wasn't enough to kill this creature. He never felt this strongly about anyone else other then his family, and he wasn't going to lose it! 

The strings around his body tightened and he was flung into the air before coming down hard onto the ground. Being lifted again he wasn't prepared for the branch that suddenly impaled through his stomach, he let out a choked gasp feeling the creature lean into his face, _'My special doll, no matter what I did to him, he just wouldn't. Break.'_ That same inhuman noise from before, _'With your memories, he must love you most... How will he take it when it's your face over him, your hands on his body, your body defiling him?'_ This disgusting creature moaned in his ear from the thought. 

Illumi felt his control snap. He could feel his hair rising his bloodlust leak out with the need to protect his family, grabbing the branch in his stomach he broke it before punching Jun hard enough for them to stumble, landing on the floor he didn't stop he launched into the creature tearing chunks out of it until he found the center of its being. A black marble. The creature retaliated pushing Illumi away hard enough for his feet to skid against the floor. 

Suddenly his vision filled with Hisoka below him sobbing, Illumi could feel his arms reaching forward, "Hisoka, I-" Black swam across his eyes and he was back with the creature. Whatever happened he must have made Jun's control slip, he looked down to see the hole in his stomach replaced by a dark green swirling mass, his hands had been engulfed with the same color and now claws replaced his fingers. This wasn't Jun, this was Illumi's soul, and he was going to break and tear this monster apart! Illumi jumped breaking the branches to the town the dark gray sediment crumbling around them. Jun cried out in pain, but it was cut short by Illumi ripping the rooted jaw from that sickening face. He held the creature's throat using his other claw to tear into the black mass grabbing that black sphere before pulling it from Jun's body. 

The remaining branches holding up the town broke away disintegrating around them, Jun's body looked withered now choking out words, _'Y-you're a monster...'_

No. Jun was the monster. Illumi brought the marble up to Jun's face breaking it in his claws, there was an ear piercing shriek emanating within his mind. Dropping the body it turned to ash just like the cracked marble, and just like the town holding every soul Jun accumulated over what had to be centuries. Illumi looked up at the crumbling town. It was over. 

Jun wouldn't come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one chapter to go and I can work guilt free on the big bang fic and actually have this fic end~ 
> 
> If you like seeing fics from me, comment. It's the best way to get updates out of me.


	11. Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! Warning for the beginning of the chapter regarding abuse and violence
> 
> I would love to thank Feather for listening to my angst headcanons, and being here since the beginning~ This fic probably wouldn't have continued without your support and comments thank you precious bee~ <3

Illumi was brought out of the darkness of whatever world he had been trapped in, he couldn't feel Jun anymore which meant he had won. Though, looking down that victory was bitter. Hisoka was muttering to himself trying so hard to pull his wrists out of duck tape, his face was covered in cuts and bruises, Illumi felt sick to his stomach when he noticed teeth marks over his naked torso; Illumi's teeth marks... "H-Hisoka..." He reached to touch his face, but stopped himself, just what had Jun done with his body? Looking down Hisoka wasn't wearing anything... Quickly averting his eyes Illumi reached for the blanket to pull it gently over Hisoka's body. 

This made Hisoka look up at him, and it broke his heart. Those yellow eyes that would either have mirth, or some kind of scheme was gone, but at least there was some kind of hope, "Did Jun-" Hisoka flinched from him when Illumi outstretched his hand making Illumi pull back immediately.

What Hisoka said next was full of a genuinity he'd never heard before, "I-is it actually you, Illumi?" His voice was hoarse and it sounded like he had a collapsed lung.

Illumi nodded feeling himself bite his lip before he spoke, "I destroyed him, I won't let anything harm you like that again." 

It took Hisoka a moment to judge his face and actions before he tugged at the duck tape, "Get this off of me." Illumi easily tore it off the headboard posts before gently pulling it away from Hisoka's raw and bleeding wrists. 

Neither of them spoke for an extended moment. Just what exactly could you say in this type of situation? Hisoka had to hate him, or at least he wasn't sure if Jun had defiled him like this and now Illumi was associated with that awful act in Hisoka's mind. One thing for sure he needed to get Hisoka to some kind of healer.

He was about to speak, but Hisoka beat him to it, "I'm sorry... If I just stayed an adult this wouldn't have happened..." 

Self pity was an emotion that didn't fit Hisoka, "It's not your fault and you know it, but try not to talk right now, let me take you to a hospital." Hisoka could come up with so many reasons why they shouldn't do that, but a hunter license waved would save them both an explanation. 

"Okay, but can I get some clothes first?" Illumi nodded before getting off the bed, coming back with a clean shirt and a pair of shorts since he knew Hisoka's leg was broken. He carefully slid them up Hisoka's legs and over his hips under the blanket while Hisoka pulled on the shirt, "Thank you." With the way Hisoka spoke it was like he was skeptical of Jun magically taking over again, or was trying to judge if this was some kind of trick, "You're fully sure you destroyed him?" A wheeze came from his throat with his effort, "He's not coming back this time?" Illumi understood why Hisoka would be so afraid.

"I'm sure. I crushed the center of his soul and broke his town of doll children." Hisoka looked confused at that, but left it alone, "He's not coming back." 

"C-can you carry me to the car?" When Illumi leaned down Hisoka reached his arms around his neck and Illumi carefully lifted his legs before walking them out to the car. 

\----

The car ride was quiet except for Hisoka's wheezing, but it wasn't because Hisoka had nothing to say, it was more of Illumi asking him to please not make his lung worse. Now, Illumi was waiting as they operated on Hisoka keeping his arms crossed against the back of the chair he thought back to that gray town, to that Hisoka doll, to what showed up on that screen... He might have gotten rid of Jun, but not the damage he caused... Hisoka had no idea how his mother really died. Illumi decided to wait on telling Hisoka to let him heal first from what Jun did to him in Illumi's body... The doctors had said it would be a few hours until Hisoka comes out of surgery for his leg and lung, so Illumi left to go home to pick up a few things. 

\----

Hisoka had woken up feeling like he'd been hit by a car, half listening when the doctor told him what they had to do, but Hisoka did ask them where Illumi was. They said he wasn't in the waiting room which was odd to hear, and Hisoka didn't have his phone since it was broken on their living room floor. He kept his mask up until the doctor left, now that he was fully alone he let himself hug himself and take in a shaky breath. 

Even if Jun was destroyed it was still a shock that he had managed to take over Illumi's mind and the things he had said... He never knew just how terrifying Illumi's smile could be, Hisoka's shoulders shook in fear thinking about it. Jun was gone! Not only was he dead, he was destroyed, he wouldn't come back. He wouldn't come back! Than why was he still thinking about it!? Hisoka brought his good leg to his chest, did Illumi really think that he was useless now? It had to be a lie, but Illumi not even waiting for him hurt. Was it true? Did Illumi think he wasn't worth it anymore? He wasn't even here when Hisoka woke up...

Hisoka was brought out of his thoughts when the door to his room was opened and Illumi came in with the plush cat, and looked like a takeout bag, "Sorry I wasn't here sooner, there was a long line a- Hisoka?" 

Hisoka wiped his face quickly, Illumi had to be the only one alive to have seen him cry this often, "Wh-what?" Urgh, he sounded pathetic... And right now he was pathetic.

"Are you alright?" It was a dumb question, but Hisoka knew Illumi wasn't the best at comforting others.

"I'm as alright as I can be," Hisoka wondered what Illumi saw being trapped, did he see what Jun was doing? "What's in the bag?" 

"I picked up some burgers from that place you like, I figured you'd be a little hungry when you woke up." Tears started streaming down Hisoka's face, "I'm sorry, did you want something else? I can bring something el-" 

"It's fine, it's perfect actually." Why couldn't he stop his crying? He just felt so relieved and at the same time he hated himself even more. 

"Why are you crying?" It really was Illumi, and to Hisoka he was perfect.

"Don't worry about it," That only made Illumi worry more, but he placed the food on a nearby table, "I thought," Hisoka wiped his face giving Illumi a sad smile, "I thought you didn't want anything to do with me anymore after all," his voice cracked as he continued, "I made myself into trash." 

Those were Illumi's eyes all right, Hisoka never thought soulless looking could be so safe, "You're not trash, Hisoka. I will always be here even if you're stuck like this, even if you get back your adult body, and even when we grow old and you do something dumb that lands you in a wheelchair." Hisoka smirked at the last part, but Illumi continued, "You're my best friend." Hisoka's smile dropped looking at Illumi in clear shock. What did he just say?

"What?" 

"You're my best friend." 

Hisoka felt like hell would freeze over from what he heard, "I thought assassins don't have friends." 

"They don't, but that doesn't say anything about best friends, or romantic partners." It was a loophole, or at least Illumi would never tell his parents for fear of what will happen if they found out, "I also consider you part of my family, and Zoldycks don't leave family behind. I love you, Hisoka." He never thought he wouldn't have the time to tell Hisoka that, but after what happened he didn't want to risk it.

Hisoka wasn't ready for that kind of confession, he placed his face in his hands realizing how much Illumi actually cared, "Illumi, that's too much..." He could only imagine how his face must look to Illumi, "I love you too." He sniffed in a booger that was hanging out of his nose, this was not how he thought Illumi's love confession would go.

Illumi placed a hand on the bed next to his not sure if he should touch Hisoka yet, "When I was trapped in his mind I saw what he had done, and I don't blame you for not wanting to talk about it. I had no idea if I was going to see you as you again, and he told me what he planned to do while he used my body to-" At this Illumi wasn't sure what to say, but one thing nagged in the back of his mind, "I'm sorry, but I need to know if he used my body to... to," Hisoka looked away from him knowing what he was going to ask, "Did he?" 

"He didn't. You took back control after he barely undressed me," Hisoka gripped at the sheets, it was close, way too close for comfort.

Illumi could feel his face soften, "I'm sorry I couldn't destroy him sooner." 

"I'm just relieved he's finally gone." Though, it still hurt him, it still left its scars, and it still made him feel like he was garbage, "Thank you, Illumi. If I didn't have you who knows what would have happened." Hisoka placed his hand on Illumi's letting him know it was okay, Jun might have had his face, but Illumi managed to look different. Stoic was so much better than a malicious grin on his face.

A thumb rubbed gently against the raw wrist noting how hard Hisoka had fought, how he wouldn't be broken so easily, "I'll always be there." If he had his way nothing would break Hisoka again.

"Can you lay up here with me?" Hisoka scooted over to make room, and Illumi scooted the wires so he wasn't laying on anything important, "Can you pet my hair?" When Hisoka had went home to a possessed Illumi Jun couldn't control his strength and ended up tipping Hisoka off with how it hurt, but couldn't call for help or get away when he was grabbed. He closed his eyes when Illumi reached down and gently pet his hair. Illumi was fully Illumi, "Stay with me until I wake up?" A nod. 

Illumi just wanted to ask one more question before Hisoka fell asleep, "Do you think you can heal from this?" 

"I don't know... It's a lot to deal with." Illumi bit his lip because he knew he couldn't instantly heal Hisoka, "But I have you, and maybe one day I will be okay. Maybe it will heal, and maybe I can put it behind me, actually behind me." Hisoka got comfortable against him nuzzling softly into his chest, that same gentle hand petting the top of his head as he drifted into sleep. 

It unfortunately didn't help against the nightmare he would have. Hisoka found his back against a door, something heinous trying to break out and every time it rammed against the door it nearly knocked Hisoka to the ground, he squeezed his eyes closed against the monsters behind the simple door.

"What are you doing?" That voice sounded so familiar, looking up it was Illumi. Young Illumi, same as the day Hisoka had met him.

Another loud bang, "Keeping the monsters out." Or in, whatever side of the door he was on.

"Can I help?" A nod, Illumi pressed his back against the door, but the monsters still rammed the door bumping both of them, but they both held steady even if nothing seemed to make this better, "This isn't working." Young Illumi stepped away from the door.

"What are you doing?" Hisoka scrambled when the door was knocked again, "Illumi, help!" 

"Do you trust me?" 

"It's gonna break!" Why was he ignoring this obvious threat!?

"Do you trust me?" Squeezing him eyes closed he nodded, "Take my hand." Hisoka did, and Illumi lead him away from the door another ram, but the door stayed in one piece. His hand was placed on the golden doorknob.

"Wait." He gulped but didn't remove his hand, "What will happen?" A growl behind the door, "What's behind the door?"

"I don't know." Illumi looked up at him, "But we'll face it together." The next thing Illumi said made Hisoka's heart skip, "You don't have to be alone." Both of them turned the door opening it, and what was inside was just a pitch black room, Illumi waited until Hisoka was ready before they walked through together.

The next thing he saw or dreamt was the first time he had met Illumi, the first time he held his hand, and the first time they kissed. Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad, even if he was stuck he could accept it because Illumi didn't care about his abilities, he cared about Hisoka.

\----

Hisoka opened his eyes bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes before looking down at Illumi. Wait. Looking down he had his body back! He was an adult again! "Illumi? Psst, Illumi." Oh, how he missed his voice, he placed a small bit of gum on Illumi's cheek pulling softly, "Please wake up." 

"Hm?" Illumi scrunched his eyebrows slightly, "What?" 

"I'm an adult, I'm unstuck." 

"That's good... Now go back to sleep..." Hisoka grinned giving Illumi a moment before his eyes snapped open and felt at Hisoka's chest, "How the- Did you-" Pulling Illumi into a kiss, he felt the other wrap his arms tightly around him. 

"I love you, Illumi." 

"I love you, too, Hisoka." 

Despite everything that had happened, and the long road to mental recovery, for now Hisoka and Illumi were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feather you got the happy ending! I gotta say I was half tempted to have something bad happen, but you deserve a good ending B)


End file.
